I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize