so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
