i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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