my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
