cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
