come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
