he told me I talked like a deaf person
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
