i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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