im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
