so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
