Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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