does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
