i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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