Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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