there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
