when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dignity is for republicans.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
