my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
