I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
