how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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