It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
