I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
