Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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