I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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