He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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