Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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