i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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