I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You took a bar mat shot.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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