It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
