listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
