I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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