she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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