I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
