I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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