I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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