The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
