My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
