Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
