i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
