Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
