also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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