I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
