I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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