You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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