I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
