what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
