Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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