My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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