Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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