apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
