No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
