like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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