I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize