When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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