He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
