At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
