just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
