I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
