Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
