I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize