You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
