we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
50% drunk capacity currently
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
