He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
