i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize