there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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